This may not be a topic that regularly gets space in community newspapers, but I figure if you can’t address it with the very people it concerns, then why bother addressing it all.
So, let’s talk about porn.
For those who don’t want to, I encourage you to move on to another story.
(And for those in our IT team, you now know why I searched pornography on Google on Monday).
The issue of pornography and its apparent effect on teenagers seems to rear its head every few months, usually because of a report coming out of a university somewhere or because someone wants to do some foot stomping on a taboo issue.
It made an appearance on the social commentary website ‘The Punch’ on Monday, which in article written by Daniel Piotrowski referred to comments made by Dr Michael Flood, a men’s sociologist at the University of Wollongong, and Dr Phil Watts, a Perth psychologist.
On ‘Insight’ earlier this year, Dr Flood said: “… we’ve got to hold the porn industry to account. We’ve got to demand better porn, dare I say it. Porn that is ethical, that is respectful. You know, I think we actually need to produce better materials about sex, about lust, for adults and young people alike.”
Dr Watts said in ‘The Punch’ article: “Sixteen-year-olds watch explicit 20 minute videos… and view it as normal. Then they get a girlfriend at 17 and she’s freaking out about [what they want them to do].”
The latter comment is one that is regularly thrown about.
I write this column today because I would imagine that many “normal” mums and dads out there who read this newspaper are concerned about such issues when it comes to their children, particularly when they read comments like the above.
It is easy to form the opinion, based on the commentary I seem to hear on the issue, that the evils of pornography are corrupting the minds of your teenage sons, and potentially putting fear into your teenage daughters.
Now I’m not here to question the very educated minds of Dr Flood, Dr Watts or anyone else that most likely has research and statistics to back them up.
But I am here to throw in a dose of reality.
Which I guess means I am questioning them after all.
Yes, it is true that the Internet has made it easier to access pornography of all kinds, all free of charge.
It’s also true that teenage boys may see stuff that is totally questionable, unethical and so far removed from reality that it’s not funny.
But I say that a link between such content online and what teenagers think their own experiences will be like is hard to prove.
Firstly, it may have been harder to access pornography prior to the Internet, but it wasn’t impossible.
Magazines were passed around the playground, videos discovered in Dad’s bottom drawer sometimes got a run and I’m sure many of you reading this now snuck into that forbidden store in your suburb, hoping you didn’t run into someone you knew.
In fact, when I was about 18, I got off the train a few stops early and went to one such store, after being designated the job by my group of friends. I was so nervous, I just grabbed whatever two videos I could – and the guy behind the counter told me it’s “buy two, get one free”. Even more rattled and nervous, I just grabbed another one as quick as I could.
Turns out it was a dangerous move… let’s just say my third pick had a severe lack of, well, women.
And the things in those magazines and videos weren’t all that realistic either, mind you.
People seem to underestimate a person’s ability to differentiate the real life from the fantasy (yes, even a teenager has such ability).
I understand that some people will point to violent movies and video games as a reason our crime rates are high, and throw porn into the same category.
I tend to disagree, and think it’s got a lot more to do with our lack luster approach to discipline and education rather than a teenager’s ability to know right from wrong.
And one should also point out, that whilst the Internet may give teenagers access to unrealistic videos, it also gives them access to more sex education and advice than any other generation.
Legitimate searches about legitimate questions will deliver true, informative responses that quite possibly will ensure teenagers go into sexual relationships with more knowledge and education than ever before.
Certainly, such individual research will probably garner a better result than those sex education classes in high school that nobody listens to and everyone makes fun of.
And no, you coming to your kids with a banana and a condom is not a solution, either.
To those parents worried and concerned, I say this: Have a little bit more faith in your kids, rather than panicking based on reports from those who look at raw statistics and research rather than reality.
You should of course monitor their online usage, but also be aware that where there’s a will, there’s a way. Your kids will always be curious, and will always find a way to find something out, or to watch something you don’t want them to.
In a way, it’s all a part of growing up.
The limitations and rules you put on them, as well as the freedoms you allow them, will have far greater impacts on their lives than what they saw as a result of a forbidden Google search.
