It’s the pain that no one wants to talk about let alone go through, but Cranebrook resident Amanda Kirk bravely told her story at the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Ceremony at Nepean Hospital.
Over 50 people were at the ceremony, held last Thursday, October 15, the third such event Nepean Hospital has held for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Ms Kirk had the room in tears, visibly emotional herself, as she told her story in the hope of inspiring others.
It was July 1, 2013 and Ms Kirk was just over 38 weeks pregnant when she realised something was not right – she hadn’t felt her baby girl move for some time.
After a trip to the doctors to check everything was okay, Ms Kirk was told her baby was gone.
“At my 20 week scan, the technician said I was completely safe and that I would soon be holding my baby in my arms, but little did I know how wrong those words would become,” Ms Kirk said.
“I don’t remember if I cried when I was told the news, all I know is I kept repeating ‘I don’t understand’.
“When I went home and walked into the nursery, that’s when it hit me – there would never be a baby in a pram or cot, she was never coming home.”
Walking back into the hospital the next day, Ms Kirk realised her pregnant stomach hid the awful truth while others were welcoming their babies into the world.
She was induced that day.
“Deep down I still held hope that the doctors were wrong and they had made a terrible mistake, I think that’s what kept me going,” she said.
At 12.43am on July 3, 2013, Ms Kirk welcomed Allyra Jane into the world.
“The silence was absolutely deafening,” she said.
“There was no other cry except my own. As she was placed on my chest, I begged her to wake up.”
Ms Kirk said it was in that moment, when she held her baby girl, that she truly knew what a mother’s love was and that it would never fade.
“I spent hours watching her, trying to never forget what she looked like and how she smelt as I wanted to burn those images into my memory for all eternity,” Ms Kirk said.
On July 30, 2013, Ms Kirk and her family said goodbye to Allyra.
To this day Ms Kirk has raised over $20,000 for Still Birth Australia.
“Still birth is something that needs major attention – the statistics speak for themselves,” Ms Kirk said.
The Infant Loss Ceremony is expected to be held again next year.